Treat yourself how you treat others

One of the nicest things about lockdown was the feeling that you could relax a little. Be yourself. Let a few expectations go. Chill in your own surroundings, wear your daggy track pants, have unfolded washing, rowdy dogs, and half-dressed kids.

But as we throw off the COVID shackles and recommit to life outside the home, we’re losing that comfort at pace. I’m working with some incredible people right now; many are just … weary. The grind is back. They get up every morning and dress up to hit the commute. They’re guiltily hiding any inconvenient sniffles and spending most of their day in meetings that further wear them down. Sigh.

In last week’s Wednesday Wisdom, I talked about being kind—to others and to yourself. As I ponder this further, I’ve been thinking about the pressures that make it challenging to do that—both internal and external.

Genuine comfort with being whoever we are, however we are – like we got a taste of in lockdown - is an incredible gift. It’s not one we get enough of. It’s a bit odd given that we all want it for ourselves and others. But like most systems, unless we actively work against it, we’ll get the default instead – and the default at work today is to push hard and hide the actual cost of it.

I reckon imposter syndrome has a lot to answer for here. It creates an inner sense of double standards that leads to treating ourselves worse than we’d treat an enemy.

Like most of my clients, I’m a high achiever with high standards. I work too hard, stress too much, and regularly take on more than I should. Birds of a feather flock together! Unsurprisingly, however, I do a great job of supporting my clients in living, working, and feeling better. With my attention turned outward, I happily and confidently provide the tools and support my treasured clients need to create space, manage time, and focus their energy.

It’s the same reason that when my kids are sick, I get them to bed early and make sure they drink plenty of fluids – while I ignore my illness to do “just one more thing that can’t wait.”

It’s the same way when my friends are down on themselves. I’m the first one there with a “Are you joking with me right now? YOU ARE F**KING AWESOME! STOP BEING MEAN TO MY FRIEND!” – while simultaneously battling my inner critic.

Isn’t that ridiculous? We have the skills to do this better. So what if we just, like, turned that inward? How good would that be?

Yesterday at L’Oreal, we had a great session about how double standards show up in work meetings. We realised that if we treated internal meetings with the same respect and reverence as we treat client time, we’d all feel a lot better and get much more done. 

That makes sense. When we’re attention-out and focused on serving others, we do a brilliant job. When our attention turns in the other direction, we start changing the rules.

Well… f**k that. It’s time we took all that outward-facing brilliance and treated ourselves with a bit of it. Turn it around, team. I dare you.