Picture this: you're frustrated with your partner. They've loaded the dishwasher wrong, again, and they've left the door wide open for you to knock into, to boot. WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS?!
An argument ensues. It starts with the dishes, and it soon devolves into the same frustrations you've experienced 100 times before: a lack of respect, a lack of appreciation, a total lack of understanding about what it's like to hold the emotional and mental labour for a family on your shoulders.
It's not about the dishes. It was never about the dishes.
A similar version of events plays out in every workplace across the globe. We're frustrated by our colleagues, our managers, our peers. We find ways to point out failures, interrogate mistakes and zero in on the tangible issues that cause us grief.
But what is it really about?
If you feel mad about a procurement decision that seems unfair, don't direct your frustration at the successful tenderer, or the panel who appointed them. Ask better questions about the criteria used for selection, or whether your procurement policy reflects your organisational values.
if you're at your wits end over a customer issue that can't be resolved, don't zero in on the customer, or the team who are trying their best. Take a look at the process you've implemented for problem-solving, and the way you resource your customer service team.
if you're infuriated by the lack of diversity on your leadership team, don't point fingers at the executives who hold the top spots. Challenge your recruitment processes and organisational diversity policy, and look for ways to turn the curve.
The problem is rarely the problem.
Strategists know that, and they don't waste time blaming people, when systems are usually at fault.
When we interrogate underlying forces, drivers, and policy settings, we create systems change that benefits innumerable people for years to come.
Put the blame finger down, take a deep breath, and ask better questions. That way, you'll get better answers - and you'll keep your important relationships intact in the process.
Til next week,
A
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Alicia McKay