Boundaries, Burnout, Business and #BigRantEnergy

Hello!

I've been ranting my wee head off lately and it's been an utter delight. I'm trying to channel that energy into pushing as much helpful goodness as I can into the world... so I'd love you to avail yourself.

Here's a few juicy free things for you to choose from. Pick what you're struggling with, and get stuck into some strategies to make progress!

• Boundaries
• Burnout
• Business
• Bullsh*t professionalism
• Big rant energy

Boundaries

I took another look at this podcast episode today, with Lauren Parsons on ThriveTV, and was reminded how bloody useful it is. I found myself thinking "yeah, I should listen to that woman." I mean sure, the woman is me, so you think I'd be more across it, but hey, we're all works in progress.

Key takeouts from this conversation:

• Boundaries are your personal policies. You put them in place to exercise your values and protect yourself from burnout, depression and unhappiness.
• You don't need to justify your boundaries as means to an end like productivity, parenting or health. You deserve to spend your time on what brings you joy, fulfilment and meaning. Protecting that is your birthright.
• Choose guilt over resentment. Ideally, you wouldn't have to choose either, but if you need to pick one, make it guilt. Guilt is a temporary feeling you experience when you distribute ownership and accountability fairly across all involved parties. Resentment will kill you and silently corrode your relationships.
• You can't control many of the terrible things that happen in your life. Positive thinking has limited application to situations that are inarguably and objectively garbage. But you do have the ability to choose a response that aligns with your values, so do that.
• Know your own tells and cues. You might find yourself snapping at people, battling headaches or sleeping poorly long before you realise you've got a boundary missing. Learn from the information your body's giving you and lean into the difficult vibes so you can work with it.
• You're fine. Every worst-case scenario your brain generates when you think about taking action that matters to you is manageable, and you've survived every difficult decision you've made before - this time is no different.

For more on boundaries, check out this article.

Burnout

Feelings are annoying, aren't they? They make it hard for us to use our intelligent brains to make decisions by flooding us full of emotions, skewing our perspective on reality and clouding our judgement. Never fear, the #GYST workbook is here! In this handy guide you pick the toughest feeling you're battling, learn what's driving it, and use a couple of targeted tools to shift the dial. This is a resource we use in Not An MBA and I always forget how good it is until we get to that point in the course and I remember it's time to eat my own dog food. Enjoy.

Business

Last week I had the pleasure of speaking at the SODA RISEUP! awards, where six inspirational female entrepreneurs pitched their globally-oriented businesses to a panel of judges for a shot at some seed funding. It was a brilliant event, and I was stoked to take the stage before the winner was announced to offer my particular brand of motivational speaking (think less #girlboss and more "chick in the pub toilets")

You can watch my speech here - the video is 25 minutes long but 10 or so minutes are the time we spent doing an exercise in the room, so I reckon you can knock it out in 15 minutes or less.

Key messages from this address:

• Women are opting out of employment - Flexible working simply isn't that flexible. While men are enjoying more leisure time in their schedules thanks to the rise in remote work, women are taking on an even heavier domestic and emotional load than they were before. Our spare hours are spent on housework, childcare and feeling guilty, and we've had enough. Workplaces weren't designed for us, so we're creating our own systems instead. Since COVID, women have been leaving employment to start their own businesses at 4x the rate of men. 
• Women are made for business - Our enterprises are more profitable, less risky and more collaborative than organisations led by men. We produce more with less funding, employ more staff, design more targeted products and services and build more collaborative relationships. Much of that is a product of the things we've been told are weaknesses. Events like RISEUP don't exist because we need charity, but because we need the venture funding that is still disproportionately allocated to men.
• Your weaknesses are your biggest strengths. All the things that make it difficult to be a woman in 2022 - of which there are still many - are our secret weapons. The amount of juggling we do makes us excellent at prioritising. The unfair emotional labour we shoulder makes us empathetic, attuned problem-solvers and leaders. The lack of financial support makes our businesses leaner and more profitable. We take our suffering and convert it into success. Bam.

Bullsh*t professionalism

I think being a "professional" is a load of crap. It's a thinly veiled way to embed snobbery and classism into spheres of power. Social class is the invisible inequality and the next frontier in diversity and inclusion.

This has been a burning passion of mine for a while, and I've been holding back from taking a stand, worried that it will be career-limiting, off-putting, or that I don't have the credentials to speak in this space. I've decided that couldn't be more wrong, and that quite frankly: I don't care if it's true. Read this article, which features a bogan translation at the end, about why professionalism is a problem that harms us all.

Big rant energy

The boys were busy last Friday, so I took the opportunity to bring my big rant energy to the Alicia McKay Show. I spent half an hour railing against things that have been annoying me lately, with four big rants getting a special mention. Watch the episode here, or catch it on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

Featured rants:

• The Big Sick. Since I recorded this broadcast, yet another of my children went down with COVID too! This whole situation is made worse by idiots who think removing restrictions will make things better, forgetting that a healthy economy requires people who are well enough to work.
• Nostalgic blindness. Anyone who tries to claim things used to be better in the Good Old Days, such as the Minister I hung out with last week, are exposing their own ignorance and privilege. Things weren't better when you were a kid, you just didn't have to make space for other people's difficulties - and also... you were a kid.
• Political punching down. Christopher Luxon may not have been the former Air NZ CEO as we first thought, but rather a backup leader who was cryogenically frozen by the National Party in the late 1980s. It would explain why we're recycling tired old narratives about lazy poor people, getting tough on crime and demonising young people who are struggling.
• Toxic positivity. Cruel optimism and the power of positive thinking is tantamount to victim blaming. When we focus on mindset and gratitude we risk gaslighting ourselves about the genuine barriers in our way. We also excuse existing power structures from examining the ways they're complicit in entrenching inequality. DNR.

I hope some of these resources bring joy, usefulness or support to your week, my darling Wednesday Wisdom readers. Remember: I'm your personal pub-toilet-friend. I GOT YOU.

Til next week,

A

PS - Other things you should know that are quite urgent, time wise:

1. Not An MBA info sessions are running in Auckland and online over the next month or so. If you've been thinking about registering, get a wriggle on.

2. I'm going to be hosting some delicious cocktail evenings in Wellington and Auckland in September with an UNBELIEVABLE international guest speaker and expert on culture, communication and leadership. Over a drink or 4, we're going to have informal chats about what really needs to change in our workplaces, and it's going to be outrageously fun. If you need a night out and want to share a beverage with me, join the secret waitlist here....