Leading Through Change: The power of language

You might be familiar with the cliche of being less reactive and more proactive - but reactive gets a bad rap. At least you’re active!

Far worse is when we’re passive in the face of change and uncertainty. You’ll notice this language when people have slumped shoulders and start to sigh.

Faced with lockdown, they say “I just can’t homeschool again” or “I can’t take another one.”

This is the sort of language that leads us to defeat. Rather than finding options or looking for opportunities, speaking like this encourages people to throw in the towel.

If you’re noticing people - or yourself! - speaking about what you can’t do, try and nudge the dial toward more active language, by thinking about what you can do, for a quick boost.

When we’re reactive, we’re busy and overwhelmed. We might be taking action, but we feel put upon and resentful. You can diagnose this behaviour when people talk in terms of constraints and obligations - reactive people say they “have to work from home” or “have to get this finished” - focusing on the external loss of control in their lives.

While it’s far better than being passive, getting stuck here has the potential to make us feel worse than we need to, by robbing us of a sense of agency.

To shift the dial on reactivity, focus your language toward what you can choose to do. Faced with a lockdown, the proactive person might be heard saying things like “I’m choosing to start earlier so I can homeschool in the afternoon” or “I’m choosing to get all my meetings done on a Tuesday.”

The difference is stark, and we see it in body language too - spines straighten, faces lighten and a sense of control sets in.

If you’re feeling put upon, and talking about shoulds and have-to’s, hack your attitude by verbalising what you can control and choose to change, to start making progress.

The most powerful language we can use is focused on growth, through experimentation. Rather than trying to control all the variables, an adaptive attitude talks about what we can learn or try.

Faced with lockdown, an adaptive person can be heard saying “I’m trying a different schedule to see what happens” or “I’m learning to be smarter with my time this week.”

At this point, we’ve got a strong sense of self-control, and no longer feel so pulled and tugged by the uncertainties in our environment.

If you’re feeling frustrated by your lack of control, let go of certainty and think about how you might experiment. Say it out loud, to encourage other people to think that way too.

Climb the ladder