How to Tame Talkfests: Focus prompts for frustrated facilitators

Man, I get sick of people talking sh*t. To be fair, it’s an occupational hazard.

I run strategy and leadership workshops, where people are used to coming along and saying lots of wise things before walking out, relieved they don’t actually have to do anything. It could be said that I’ve surrounded myself by professional sh*t-talkers – it’s even been said that I AM one!

It gets exhausting though, doesn’t it? Talking in circles and leaving in frustration when those conversations don’t turn into anything. Too many of those and mutual trust starts to break down. When we have the same conversation one too many times, we lose hope.

“If your actions don't live up to your words, you have nothing to say.” ― DaShanne Stokes

How many of you have been to meetings like that? ...How many of you are going to one today?!

Talkfests are important – they have a job to do. We can’t build understanding together, unless we get stuck into the whys and what-fors. If we don’t have a shared idea about the problem we’re solving, or the goal we’re aiming for, then we trip ourselves up later.

We covered this last week, when we talked about purpose. People need to care about the why, before they can even think about the what.

The problem is when we get stuck there. If we stay in the talkfest zone too long, our chances of changing anything drop right off. To get out of the talkfest vortex, we need to convert our insights into something real – and that starts with focus.

You can’t have change, unless you’re willing to let go of something. Change is not as well as – it’s instead of. And unless you know what matters the most, you won’t be able to let go with any conviction.

This is the stage where we need to make tricky trade-offs that will shape our choices and take us closer to action, and that’s not always easy. You will need to trade off things that matter. Things that you care about, value and worked hard to get – but aren’t serving you anymore.

That’s where focus comes in.

It’s where we ask questions like:

Who are we willing to let down?

What can’t we do anymore?

What scary thing will we have to confront?

Where is our energy best spent, to create the kind of future we really want?

Nail those things, and magic starts to happen.

What do you reckon? Is it time for a tough conversation?