Bad questions kill relationships. When we turn up to a meeting, conversation, or email powered by judgement and annoyance, our questions reflect that. We erode trust. But it doesn't need to be this way!
Welcome to week 3 in the WW 'Questions' series. Inspired by the explosion of AI chatbots, we're deep-diving into what it means to ask great questions and why they're so important. Last week, we looked at how to ask 'bigger' questions. Now, let's make them better.
I often hear people asking questions that are a trap. Whether it's "Can we explain the delays on..." or "Why haven't we..." they all boil down to one simple theme: "WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?!"
It's hard to see how people could respond with anything but defensiveness and annoyance.
Here are four things I teach leaders in Strategic Public Leaders and Not An MBA to help them ask quality questions.
Everyone is motivated by good and doing their best. Remind yourself of this before you confront someone. Otherwise, you'll make them feel small and attacked. This may require some internal dialogue and slow breathing.
Seek first to understand, then be understood. If the answer was as obvious as it looks to you on the outside, they already would have solved it. Assume there's something you don't know, and be open to hearing about it.
I wrote a longer piece on this a few weeks ago. Essentially: don't ask questions that have a 1:1 payoff ratio. Level up your questions to identify underlying causes, systemic barriers and overall trends. When you expand your scope, you multiply your impact.
Stop it with the 'gotcha!' moments. If you're asking a leading question designed to trap someone into admitting they f**ked up, that's not a question. It's an attack, and it's yuck. Don't do it.
If you're struggling with mistrust in your professional relationships, try sticking to the above four principles to make more progress.
Ask better questions and have better relationships.
Til next week,
A
PS - If you're an ambitious leader who found this useful and exciting, you should join the next intake of Not An MBA. You'll be surrounded by other clever, curious thinkers taking their careers to the next level. Sign up here.
PPS - This is Week 3 in the Wednesday Wisdom 'Questions' series.
Read Week 1: How to Stop AI Stealing Your Job
Read Week 2: Big Questions, Bold Choices