Welcome to another Wednesday Wisdom. Every week, I share with you what I'm thinking about life, work, and leadership. This week we're talking about regret.
Life is full of worries. We can segment them by category: work worries v home worries; or by size: big v small; or by how legit they are: theoretical fear v real and present danger - but no matter how we slice and dice it, we've all got some.
Worries are tricky, because when we focus too much on our own, we forget about everyone elses. Our ones loom large in front of us, while we look on enviously at our comparatively worry-free friends, colleagues, partners and social media connections.
First of all: This is lies. They are worried.
I can't tell you what they're worried about (health, kids, weight, job security, money, foot fungus, climate change, cyber crime, elderly parents, anxiety...?) but I promise you they're worried about something.
It's important we remember that. Because when we forget, we lose compassion, we feel like a victim, and we can behave like a real d*ck. Don't.
Second of all: Worries are OK. Get better ones.
We've all got them, in some shape or form, and there's no escaping them - so don't try. Uncle Bob knew all sorts of things, but 'Don't worry, be happy' was terrible advice. It's more like 'Don't worry, be bored' or 'Don't worry, be unfulfilled and waste your potential.'
A far more useful goal is to upgrade your worries. I know for a fact that some of my Today Worries are ones that 5 years-ago Alicia would have been thrilled to have. Just get better worries.
Thirdly: Check your worries. They can turn cancerous.
Worries are fine - until they start to morph. If we're not careful, our worries turn into more sinister things. Things like... obsessions. Constraints. Resentment. Regret. This is where it gets dicey.
I reckon we need to treat our worries like a mole - checking if they're growing, darkening or changing shape. Because, left unchecked, you might find yourself thinking things like:
"It's not safe or smart to do the thing I really want to do. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing instead."
"My husband/ wife/ boss is my enemy, and they're trying to make my life difficult. I'm sick of their sh*t and I want a new one."
Then we're really in trouble. When we think like that, we start limiting ourselves and treating our one go at life without the care and excitement it deserves. If we're not careful, we find ourselves decades into a career, relationship or situation that we don't feel good about, lamenting our wasted potential and turning our resentment inward.
Nobody gets a worry-free life. But I reckon it is possible to live one without resentment and regret. I can't think of anything worse than facing the end of my life with a list of things I didn't try because I was too scared or stuck.
I don't know your worries, but I know you've got some. And I can promise you the following:
You're not going to retire wishing you'd made safer choices, stayed in the same career for longer or kept your mouth shut more.
You're not going to die feeling glad you didn't learn that language or instrument.
You're not going to watch your kids leave home, relieved that you worked more hours instead of hanging out with them while they still liked you.
So stop living like you will.
Til next week,
- A
For a longer read on this, check out my latest article:
It's a worrying time to be at the top table. Here's how you can still do a great job when you're worried about the future.
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