The last couple of months have triggered a shift in our understanding of the world.
World wars, the digital revolution, 9/11 and the GFC are other examples of what Nicholas Taleb calls ‘black swan’ events – gamechangers, that throw everything up in the air.
It's been pretty stressful. But stress isn't all bad. Acute stress can be a catalyst for transformational change, for people, for organisations and for communities. When everything feels a bit much, there's a deeper opportunity buried below the surface: the chance to create something different.
With the right mindset, we can grow from this kind of stress. If we stay curious and open to learning, stressful change feels less like a threat and more like a chance to ask nagging questions. Like most things, I find this most obvious when I'm interacting with my children. The moments when parenting has really given me pause are when I get an innocent “why?” that stops me in my tracks.
A well-timed why can be quite confronting, if our head is in the right space. If I take the space to entertain it, a child-prompted why gets me asking things like: 'does this rule really matter?' 'is it just a default from my own childhood?' and 'what am I trying to teach?'
I've found myself doing that in my practice and lifestyle over the last few weeks.
I've been tripping over assumptions I didn't realise I had, questioning things I thought 'had to be this way' and generally trying to stay curious and open to new things. The last few weeks have opened up deeper questions about what we're really trying to achieve and the kind of life we want. I don't want to go back to spending three days a week on a plane. I don't want to keep redoing strategy with teams. I want to support them to build their skills and confidence to make those decisions themselves. It's a whole new frame for us: all about leverage, connection and development.
It all starts with asking better questions. Here are my favourite three:
But why? (ask this one as many times as you need to, until you get to a root cause or a constraint you really can't move. Aim for 5.)
So what? (keeping asking this one until you really understand your needs or drivers or until people become totally exasperated with you. Aim for 3.)
Really, though? (ask this one with the inflection of an obstinate teenager, until you admit how many things you're assuming and taking for granted.)
Those are my favourites- what are yours?
What questions do you ask to dig below the surface?
Alicia McKay
