Alicia McKay
If 2020 had one thing going for it, it was lessons. Buckets of them. We learned, together, about what we were capable of. About what really mattered. About how we want to live, work and lead.
But lessons, if we don’t embed them, have a habit of wearing off.
So, before we launch into another year, have a think about the most important lessons you learned this year. Importantly, don’t put any pressure on it. They don’t need to be big and profound, you probably won’t remember them all, and you’ll get some of them wrong. It doesn’t matter. Just write them down.
In no particular order, here’s five important lessons I learned this year.
Lesson One: Values shape everything.
There is nothing less gratifying than living a life out of alignment with your values – except for living a life that doesn’t have any.
Without a compass to check ourselves against, we unwittingly make choices that leave us feeling off at best, and self-loathing at worst.
If you’re not clear on what you stand for, and what matters most for you, it might be time.
When you’ve got your head around what your values are, try developing a set of ‘test’ questions for each one. I work with people and organisations on this all the time – asking: what’s your checklist? How do you test your decisions? How will you tell if it’s real?
For example, if your value is about contribution, you might have the question: “does this make a difference other people’s lives?”. Or, if your value is about collaboration, you might ask: “does everyone come out of this better off?” or “have all the right voices been included?”
The people, experiences, projects or quick thrills you compromise your integrity for are temporary. But you’ll have to live with yourself forever. So you’d better feel good about it.
Lesson Two: It’s a long game
Very few of the things we get worked up about matter as much as we think they do. Minor skirmishes and frustrations, deadlines, emails, meetings that look important on the surface often mean nothing as soon as they’re over.
Try checking your calendar from three months ago, if you don’t believe me. Paradoxically though, that means that it’s all the little things that really do matter.
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives, after all.
Personal lives filled with meaning and work lives rich with purpose don’t happen by accident. They’re built on the small decisions we make about how we show up, where our time and energy is spent and how we respond to the bullshit we’ll encounter every day.
When you make your small, daily decisions an obvious demonstration of your intention and values, your long game will take care of itself.
Lesson Three: You’ve only got your health
When our health is threatened, we’ll shut down the whole world for it, if we have to. Despite that, we live our lives pretending that it doesn’t. We prioritise all the things that 2020 showed us didn’t really matter, skipping exercise, cutting sleep short and grabbing something on the go.
We fork out thousands on our homes and cars, and then we defer going to the dentist, claim we can’t afford a personal trainer and put off getting our moles checked. Isn’t it time we changed that?
If you’ve been putting pressure on your body, torching it with chronic stress and disrespecting it, make no mistake: it will catch up with you eventually. Get out in front. Nothing else matters.
Lesson Four: Nothing is as bad as you think
Every worst-case scenario you have planned for your life, health, relationships or work is much worse in your head than it is in real life.
Natural disasters, job losses, relationship breakdowns, betrayals, regrets, failures… all the stuff we work up in our heads to be catastrophic can just… happen.
Despite setback after setback, the world keeps turning and in time, everything’s fine. There’s nothing you can’t handle.
If 2020 taught us anything, it must be that. So trust yourself. Face your fears head on (I love Tim Ferris’ ‘fear setting’ for this) and stop making excuses why you can’t handle the worst or do the scary thing. Of course you can.
Lesson Five: The process is the real work
We’re so used to reading heroes journeys and happy endings, that we’ve become accustomed to thinking it’s outcomes that make us happy.
Once we finish the project, find the right person, buy the perfect home, or get the dream job, our real life will start… right? Nup.
One of the most disconcerting things we can experience is achieving a goal, especially one that we’ve sacrificed for, and then realising we don’t feel any different. Everywhere you go, there you are.
Most people simply raise the stakes – often before they’ve even reached their first destination, living in a state of continuous dissatisfaction and striving. But there’s another way.
When you can drop your ‘When I… then I…” and “Once we… I can…” , you can start finding joy and taking pride in what you get from the process instead. Celebrate the interim wins, take the time to reflect on your progress and learn to love the journey.
Because it’s a long one.
