I often meet leaders with an “I don’t go to work to make friends” kind of attitude. I get that, I really do.
One of the reasons I’ve never lasted in an employment environment is the obligatory niceties. Why am I signing a leaving card for someone I’ve never met? How could they possible value my cliché contribution? Why should I contribute to a morning tea for Jane’s baby? I can’t stand Jane, and I’ve got work to do
“If someone is liked, his colleagues will seek out every little bit of competency he has to offer” - Tiziana Casciaro
Cultivating networks doesn’t mean you need to join the social club. But it does mean that you need to be likeable.
According to Cuddy, Kohut and Neffinger, who wrote Connect Then Lead, leaders who rank low on ‘likeability’ have a one in 2000 chance of being regarded as effective. In Robert B. Cialdini’s cornerstone text Influence, likeability is one of six key levers of influence.
When you’re likeable, people buy from you, hire you, marry you, spend time with you and do things for you – even when you’re not the most charismatic, the highest performer, or the most senior. Being likeable is a shortcut to influence that takes the pressure off us to create perfection in our work and ideas. It’s an enabler that gives us margin and permission.
But these connections don’t happen by accident. Like lifelong friendships, or relationships with our children or partners, they need effort. They require us to deeply understand others, to have compassion for differences and manage conflicts.
Most importantly, they require intentional care, planned time together and a commitment of time and energy, or they wither and die.
Are you likeable?
Are you making enough space for relationships?
Did you write in Jane’s leaving card?