Marie Kondo, in The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, suggests getting rid of everything in our lives that doesn’t ‘spark joy’. Clearing clutter helps us focus on the things that matter most—it’s like turning down the volume on your car radio to see the letterbox numbers better.
Helping people clarify their most important priorities is my favourite thing to do. It’s also my most popular programme. Getting down to a short list of top priorities is hard, but even harder is sticking to them, particularly when others need something from us.
“If you really want to escape the things that harass you, what you’re needing is not to be in a different place but to be a different person.” - Seneca, 60AD
I ran a great session with Auckland Council early this year, where we ‘Marie Kondo’ed a huge pile of strategic plans - dumping them all in the middle of the table and then working through them systematically, discarding everything that didn’t fit our future direction. This was tough work, which involved a lot of ‘no’.
Saying yes to something new is great. But everything we say yes to comes with an opportunity cost. This cost might be our resources, our time and attention, or, ultimately, our health, values, or potential for impact.
Saying no is tough enough when it’s our stuff – even tougher when we must try it with others.
When people we respect or report to confront us with a new request or direction, we face a choice: the discomfort of pushing back or compromising real progress.
Respectful, consistent priority conversations ask questions and give options around relative priority, time, quality and purpose:
- Is this more or less of a priority than X?
- Would you like me to push out the timeline on Project X or reduce the quality of Project Y?
- What are you trying to achieve? Have you considered Z?
These questions change the agency dynamic, even when the decision isn’t ours, politely requesting a deeper consideration of the big picture from the asker.
Pushing back politely isn’t just possible, it’s necessary. Saying yes to the wrong things robs us of our potential and makes it impossible for others to reach theirs.
Alicia McKay